Comforting Grief
by Casualty-at-Holby
Summary: This is what I imagined would happen after Reap the Whirlwind Pt 2. Doesn't consider the events of Break Point.


**Comforting Grief**

 **This is what I imagined would happen after the last scene of last week's episode: Reap the Whirlwind Pt 2. I have started writing one for the end of this week's episode: Break Point so let me know if you would like to read that as well.**

I don't want to believe what I'm seeing. The lifeless body of my own brother. As I take more steps toward him, a part of me hopes this is all a dream, and eventually I'll wake up, and Cal will be here. But his face is expressionless and pale. His body is cold and motionless. His hair matted and spiked with blood. I run my hand through it, and that's when it hit me. He's gone. He isn't coming back. My eyes begin surrender, and I begin to feel the wetness of my tears running against my cheeks. My legs collapse beneath me and my whole body loses all the strength that it once had.

I stand there crying over his body, still not wanting to believe this is reality. I had only been with him a matter of hours ago.

This can't be happening.

Charlie stood behind me not wanting to say anything, not just for his sake, but so that I wouldn't be able to hear the inevitable pain in his voice if he spoke to me. I eventually heard the doors swing, letting me know that Charlie had left.

I don't blame him.

Who would want to see someone they considered family lifeless in a hospital bed?

A place where we are supposed to help people and save lives just seems more and more ironic to me, especially after the events of today.

It felt like hours I had been standing there, just letting my body grieve. I look around me and everyone has left. Alicia is the only one that remains.

I feel anger at myself for not answering Cal's call, and how, maybe, if I had answered he would still be here. I'm angry that I was with Alicia.

'Life's too short'. His voice echoes through my head, not allowing me to forget.

Noticing my instantaneous change in stability, Alicia walks into the room slowly, unsure of whether she should be here. I step towards her and look at her for a few seconds and fall into her, showing my physical weakness. She holds onto me and sits us down on the floor against the wall. She's struggling too, as if she's not quite sure of what to do.

I turn to her and say 'What do I do now?'

Part of me hopes that she'll get away and untangle herself from the mess I had somehow managed to cause. She gave me a sad but reassuring look, and buries my head into her shoulder, holding me tight. 'I'm going nowhere. You shouldn't have to do this alone'

Her voice rattles around my head and the words said with such conviction are somehow difficult to process. Cal is...was the only one who was willing to put up with me that much, even during our disagreements. I again begin to weep, but this time in the comfort of Alicia's shoulder, which somehow numbed some of the pain.

An hour and a half later we are still slumped on the floor against the wall in a now loose embrace. My eyes can't physically release another tear. All that's left are weak and tired sniffles. Charlie, who I assumed had gone home, walked into the room with swollen red eyes. He had obviously been crying too, but I don't have the strength to talk to him about tonight's events, certainly not now. When will I ever be ready?

A little too quickly, Alicia and I release each other, which is a bit silly when you think about it. Deciding to ignore our swift release Charlie soothingly, knowing that I could go off at any moment says, 'You need some rest, the both of you do.'

'I'm not leaving him Charlie, and I'm not going home. I can't. I'm just not ready.' I say a little abrasively.

Knowing exactly what I'm talking about he continues, 'I have the on call room set up for you. As for you Miss Munroe...'

I quickly interrupt, 'I need her here...only if you want to of course.' I snap, cocking my head to face Alicia, and bowing my head down sheepishly once I had finished. She squeezes my hand just tightly enough so that I know what her response is.

As we begin to leave the room, I turn to take one last look at Cal. 'I love you Caleb. Always'

 **I'm not sure whether to keep this as a one shot or create a story out of it...let me know.**


End file.
